God, how I hate that word.
I hate how it is an easily reached for weapon in an arsenal of put downs and insults specifically for women.
I hate the implication of it; for it suggests there are only two kinds of women - good girls and bad girls. And if you're a bad girl then you get everything you deserve.
I also hate how the word is no big deal to many.
Earlier this week Rush Limbaugh, that shining beacon of American conservatism, called a university student a slut. Sandra Fluke was testifying on Capitol Hill about public funding for contraception. She was expressing her views and opinions - something Rush does on a regular basis on his radio show.
For her troubles, for engaging in the public discourse, this man took to his radio show and called her a slut. But he didn't stop there. He blithely carried on and went on to smear women further:
"So Miss Fluke and the rest of you feminazis, here's the deal," he said. "If we are going to pay for your contraceptives and thus pay for you to have sex, we want something. We want you to post the videos online so we can all watch."
Just take a moment and re-read that quote because it is rich in showing what Limbaugh and many others think of women.
1. If you stand up for women, you are not just a feminist (a slur in some people's minds) but you are a feminazi. You - you believer in gender equality - are right in line with Nazis. The irony here is that Nazism believed that women should not participate in anything outside of children, the church and the kitchen.
2. Having contraceptives - a prescription medication - paid for means that a) you are a sexual being b) it's a license to have sex c) you are a slut d) you owe a debt to the men
3. If you are a woman on contraceptives, you are should film your sexual encounters and post them online in a bid of public humiliation because it's clear you are nothing more than a vagina. And as a vagina, rather than a woman with brains, a heart, a soul and rights, you should entertain Limbaugh.
I am pleased to report that several advertisers on Limbaugh's show have dropped him. But it's not enough. He should be publicly shamed.
A quick search of how his fellow conservatives reacted is disheartening. Ron Paul called him crude. Mitt Romney said it was not the language he would have used and John Boehner said he was inappropriate. Rick Santorum at least showed a little outrage and called Limbaugh absurd.
But as responses go they were all pretty tepid.
The problem with what Limbaugh said was not his choice of words, though those are offensive enough; the problem with Limbaugh is his beliefs. And he is not alone. And that is truly scary.
This issue is not about contraception - publicly funded or otherwise.
This issue is about the value of women and sadly, for many like Limbaugh, women are worth nothing.
3 March 2012
22 February 2012
Winter is Coming
If you have read or watched Game of Thrones, you know the phrase 'winter is coming' is a threat of dark times, bleakness and difficulty.
I am more and more convinced that winter is indeed coming for women.
Over the last week I've been contemplating blog posts related to Chris Brown performing at the Grammys, the tweets from women suggesting Brown could beat them anytime, the horrific response of some to these women, threatening to rape them and then there is Ron Paul's comments about 'honest rape' and finally the state sanctioned rape by trans-vaginal ultrasound happening in the state of Virginia.
Each time I started to write on any of those topics, I was stymied; it seemed like something was just out of reach. And then it hit me, there is a thread joining this all together. These things - these slow and methodical erosions of the gains women have made over decades - are linked. Events, like the ones we are seeing now, rarely happen in isolation. There is always a spark of some kind or a first domino that tips over and sends the rest racing to collapse.
We have been and continue to change the way we value women. For years, decades even, we have turned a partially blind eye to the inequality of women in developing countries. They - those poor unfortunate souls - were not really our problem; we all had bigger fish to fry. The Taliban were executing women and confining them to horrible, brutal lives for years before the U.S led an invasion in to Afghanistan to get Osama bin Laden. I would argue that absent the events of September 11th, the Taliban would still be in power and women would be without rights.
In Zimbabwe, women were raped to punish them for trying to exercise their democratic franchise by voting and campaigning for someone other than Mugabe. In South Africa, 'corrective' rape is a regular occurrence; it's a method used by some men to 'correct' lesbians and make them straight. Even in Bosnia, where women were held in camps and raped repeatedly, the world did intervene but no soon enough. Not nearly soon enough.
And then there is the Democratic Republic of Congo. Ground zero in the use of rape as a weapon of war. Hundreds of thousands of women have been raped, mutilated and killed by militia and military alike.
Over and over again the aggressors, the perpetrators continue on with impunity. The existing laws are weak and there is no interest in strengthening them. Or, there is just simply no desire to apply the law at all. After all, it's just women. And if we raise a stink about the women we may not have access to whatever natural resources the country in question has and well, really, it's just women. They are a cost of doing business.
Now you may be asking about the link between the women of the DRC and Chris Brown performing on the Grammys but it's there.
Chris Brown has sold millions of albums and had his songs spend quite a bit of time at the top of the Billboard charts. He is, by all musical accounts, a success. However, there's that inconvenient conviction for felony assault against his girlfriend.
Felony assault fails as an adjective to describe what he dead. He beat his girlfriend until her eye was black and blue and her lips bleeding. He strangled her and tried to push her out of a moving vehicle.
In other words, he behaved like any other abuser.
This may be where you argue that he fulfilled the conditions of his sentence and it is behind him. And it is, largely. Part of the justice system is to allow for redemption. But there is a difference between redemption and celebration and what happened at the Grammys was a celebration. He was welcomed to the inner echelon of the music industry with open arms. What he did was not just between him and Rihanna. As with any crime society is also injured and bears the long term scars of those injuries. By celebrating him, by holding him up as someone to be admired, we are saying that his artistic talent is worth more than his transgressions. We are saying that his music - much like the natural resources of the countries where we allow women to be denigrated and abused without intervention - is worth more, is of more value than what he did to his girlfriend.
Which brings me to the state of Virginia. I'm not going to get in to a debate on abortion in this blog. Also, the bill in Virginia is not about abortion. It's about the value of women. It is specifically about how the state values women. The intent of the bill is to ensure any woman considering an abortion has the full picture of what her decision entails. The belief is if the woman hears the fetal heartbeat or sees an ultrasound image she may change her mind.
The notion that any woman considering an abortion does not know what she is doing is insulting and ridiculous.
But what the state of Virginia is proposing is so much worse than insulting. It's assault. The new law will stipulate that any woman wanting an abortion must have an ultrasound that allows for the image of the baby to be shown and for the heartbeat to be heard. How is that done? Through a trans-vaginal ultrasound.
Not familiar with trans-vaginal ultrasound? It involves an ultrasound wand being inserted in to your vagina.
A woman in Virginia wanting an abortion must - by law - have this ultrasound if she wishes to proceed. In other words, she has no choice and must allow the state to physically violate her.
I cannot think of a single other medical procedure for men or for women that requires - requires - the patient to agree to a violation of this nature in order to be treated.
The bill will become law. If you ask why you will hear a number of different answers all related to the speaker's stance on abortion. But the real answer is that women are valued differently than men. Women, in the view of the state of Virginia, cannot be trusted to make their own decisions, they cannot be trusted to know their own mind and they cannot be allowed to make such a life-altering decision without some kind of punishment.
Women are worth less.
Winter is coming.
And for some women it is already a long, cold winter.
I am more and more convinced that winter is indeed coming for women.
Over the last week I've been contemplating blog posts related to Chris Brown performing at the Grammys, the tweets from women suggesting Brown could beat them anytime, the horrific response of some to these women, threatening to rape them and then there is Ron Paul's comments about 'honest rape' and finally the state sanctioned rape by trans-vaginal ultrasound happening in the state of Virginia.
Each time I started to write on any of those topics, I was stymied; it seemed like something was just out of reach. And then it hit me, there is a thread joining this all together. These things - these slow and methodical erosions of the gains women have made over decades - are linked. Events, like the ones we are seeing now, rarely happen in isolation. There is always a spark of some kind or a first domino that tips over and sends the rest racing to collapse.
We have been and continue to change the way we value women. For years, decades even, we have turned a partially blind eye to the inequality of women in developing countries. They - those poor unfortunate souls - were not really our problem; we all had bigger fish to fry. The Taliban were executing women and confining them to horrible, brutal lives for years before the U.S led an invasion in to Afghanistan to get Osama bin Laden. I would argue that absent the events of September 11th, the Taliban would still be in power and women would be without rights.
In Zimbabwe, women were raped to punish them for trying to exercise their democratic franchise by voting and campaigning for someone other than Mugabe. In South Africa, 'corrective' rape is a regular occurrence; it's a method used by some men to 'correct' lesbians and make them straight. Even in Bosnia, where women were held in camps and raped repeatedly, the world did intervene but no soon enough. Not nearly soon enough.
And then there is the Democratic Republic of Congo. Ground zero in the use of rape as a weapon of war. Hundreds of thousands of women have been raped, mutilated and killed by militia and military alike.
Over and over again the aggressors, the perpetrators continue on with impunity. The existing laws are weak and there is no interest in strengthening them. Or, there is just simply no desire to apply the law at all. After all, it's just women. And if we raise a stink about the women we may not have access to whatever natural resources the country in question has and well, really, it's just women. They are a cost of doing business.
Now you may be asking about the link between the women of the DRC and Chris Brown performing on the Grammys but it's there.
Chris Brown has sold millions of albums and had his songs spend quite a bit of time at the top of the Billboard charts. He is, by all musical accounts, a success. However, there's that inconvenient conviction for felony assault against his girlfriend.
Felony assault fails as an adjective to describe what he dead. He beat his girlfriend until her eye was black and blue and her lips bleeding. He strangled her and tried to push her out of a moving vehicle.
In other words, he behaved like any other abuser.
This may be where you argue that he fulfilled the conditions of his sentence and it is behind him. And it is, largely. Part of the justice system is to allow for redemption. But there is a difference between redemption and celebration and what happened at the Grammys was a celebration. He was welcomed to the inner echelon of the music industry with open arms. What he did was not just between him and Rihanna. As with any crime society is also injured and bears the long term scars of those injuries. By celebrating him, by holding him up as someone to be admired, we are saying that his artistic talent is worth more than his transgressions. We are saying that his music - much like the natural resources of the countries where we allow women to be denigrated and abused without intervention - is worth more, is of more value than what he did to his girlfriend.
Which brings me to the state of Virginia. I'm not going to get in to a debate on abortion in this blog. Also, the bill in Virginia is not about abortion. It's about the value of women. It is specifically about how the state values women. The intent of the bill is to ensure any woman considering an abortion has the full picture of what her decision entails. The belief is if the woman hears the fetal heartbeat or sees an ultrasound image she may change her mind.
The notion that any woman considering an abortion does not know what she is doing is insulting and ridiculous.
But what the state of Virginia is proposing is so much worse than insulting. It's assault. The new law will stipulate that any woman wanting an abortion must have an ultrasound that allows for the image of the baby to be shown and for the heartbeat to be heard. How is that done? Through a trans-vaginal ultrasound.
Not familiar with trans-vaginal ultrasound? It involves an ultrasound wand being inserted in to your vagina.
A woman in Virginia wanting an abortion must - by law - have this ultrasound if she wishes to proceed. In other words, she has no choice and must allow the state to physically violate her.
I cannot think of a single other medical procedure for men or for women that requires - requires - the patient to agree to a violation of this nature in order to be treated.
The bill will become law. If you ask why you will hear a number of different answers all related to the speaker's stance on abortion. But the real answer is that women are valued differently than men. Women, in the view of the state of Virginia, cannot be trusted to make their own decisions, they cannot be trusted to know their own mind and they cannot be allowed to make such a life-altering decision without some kind of punishment.
Women are worth less.
Winter is coming.
And for some women it is already a long, cold winter.
10 February 2012
The Wrong Conversation
I've been trying, for the better part of an hour, to write a blog post about Rick Santorum and his views about contraception being harmful to women and society. His views aren't about estrogen based contraceptives being dangerous with their links to breast cancer in some women; his views are entirely based on the belief that contraception allows single women to engage in sex outside of marriage and thus continues the grave moral decline of our society.
I wasn't even outraged when I read the comments. To a certain degree, I applaud Santorum. He, at least, says what he's thinking out loud. It's the ones who hold these beliefs and keep quiet about them that worry me. There are large segments of the population who believe a woman's uterus and ovaries are communal property. That society, in an effort to ensure its own survival, gets to determine what any single individual woman is allowed to do with her ovaries and uterus.
Oddly, there is never an equal conversation about men's penises and sperm. There is no overwhelming effort societal effort to ensure men don't do anything to impede sperm production. In fact, men are often encouraged to sow their wild oats, as it were. And there is - obviously - always a wanton woman at the ready. She was made wanton by contraception.
But that's not really what I want to talk about (though, wow! did it ever feel good to get that off my chest). The discussion around contraception and its alleged harm to the moral fabric of society is the wrong conversation.
The other night, on Twitter, @thatEricAlper posted a link to an article that broke my heart. The article, you can read it here, told the story of a woman who received a friend request on Facebook from her rapist. She bravely tells the story of the telephone conversation she had with the man who raped her when she was 14. It is a stunning, remarkable conversation.
But the reason it is so heartbreaking is because during the course of the conversation the rapist tells his victim she did not do enough to stop him. She said no. She said no more than once but she didn't kick, she didn't scream and she didn't punch or fight. She used her voice and said no. But he didn't think she meant it. And certainly didn't think it was enough.
Years after repeating No Means No we are reminded yet again that words aren't enough. Women - those wanton women on contraception - have to do more. They have to demonstrate that they really, really, really mean no.
Rape remains an under reported crime because of the enduring shame and stigma we continue to attach to it.
In war zones around the world - such as the DRC - rape is a weapon of war and it is one of the most devastating weapons in any arsenal.
There is not nearly enough being done anywhere to combat sexual violence against women (or men). In fact, in recent months, the US Congress tried to redefine rape to include a requirement that the victim demonstrate it was 'forcible' rape if they wish to seek an abortion following rape.
If you talk to anyone who has spent any time in the DRC they will tell you one of the reasons rape is used as a weapon is because it destroys communities. It brings shame to families, it ends marriages and it permanently damages the ability of many women to reproduce. If you want to beat a community in to submission, rape the women.
And the response that follows is never about ending the violence, it is always, inevitably, about teaching the women to survive it. Efforts are made to equip women with tools on how to not be raped: don't dress provocatively, learn self-defense. Very little effort is put on teaching men not to rape.
Contraception is not harmful to women. Contraception is not harming society. But sexual violence is inflicting, deep, slow-healing wounds on women and society.
You want to stand up for something? You want to protect women and society? Start by changing the conversation about sexual violence.
I wasn't even outraged when I read the comments. To a certain degree, I applaud Santorum. He, at least, says what he's thinking out loud. It's the ones who hold these beliefs and keep quiet about them that worry me. There are large segments of the population who believe a woman's uterus and ovaries are communal property. That society, in an effort to ensure its own survival, gets to determine what any single individual woman is allowed to do with her ovaries and uterus.
Oddly, there is never an equal conversation about men's penises and sperm. There is no overwhelming effort societal effort to ensure men don't do anything to impede sperm production. In fact, men are often encouraged to sow their wild oats, as it were. And there is - obviously - always a wanton woman at the ready. She was made wanton by contraception.
But that's not really what I want to talk about (though, wow! did it ever feel good to get that off my chest). The discussion around contraception and its alleged harm to the moral fabric of society is the wrong conversation.
The other night, on Twitter, @thatEricAlper posted a link to an article that broke my heart. The article, you can read it here, told the story of a woman who received a friend request on Facebook from her rapist. She bravely tells the story of the telephone conversation she had with the man who raped her when she was 14. It is a stunning, remarkable conversation.
But the reason it is so heartbreaking is because during the course of the conversation the rapist tells his victim she did not do enough to stop him. She said no. She said no more than once but she didn't kick, she didn't scream and she didn't punch or fight. She used her voice and said no. But he didn't think she meant it. And certainly didn't think it was enough.
Years after repeating No Means No we are reminded yet again that words aren't enough. Women - those wanton women on contraception - have to do more. They have to demonstrate that they really, really, really mean no.
Rape remains an under reported crime because of the enduring shame and stigma we continue to attach to it.
In war zones around the world - such as the DRC - rape is a weapon of war and it is one of the most devastating weapons in any arsenal.
There is not nearly enough being done anywhere to combat sexual violence against women (or men). In fact, in recent months, the US Congress tried to redefine rape to include a requirement that the victim demonstrate it was 'forcible' rape if they wish to seek an abortion following rape.
If you talk to anyone who has spent any time in the DRC they will tell you one of the reasons rape is used as a weapon is because it destroys communities. It brings shame to families, it ends marriages and it permanently damages the ability of many women to reproduce. If you want to beat a community in to submission, rape the women.
And the response that follows is never about ending the violence, it is always, inevitably, about teaching the women to survive it. Efforts are made to equip women with tools on how to not be raped: don't dress provocatively, learn self-defense. Very little effort is put on teaching men not to rape.
Contraception is not harmful to women. Contraception is not harming society. But sexual violence is inflicting, deep, slow-healing wounds on women and society.
You want to stand up for something? You want to protect women and society? Start by changing the conversation about sexual violence.
1 February 2012
Femicide
That the three members of the Shafia family were convicted, Sunday, of first degree murder is welcomed indeed. A jury sat through three months of testimony, that was at times gruesome, and concluded that the mother, father and brother were responsible for murdering their three daughters and sisters as well as Mister Shafia's first wife.
In the days since the conviction countless column inches have been filled with questions about honour killings and how some people are bringing their 'cultural practices' with them when they immigrate to Canada.
And that is where the conversation around the Shafia trial takes a wrong turn.
These murders were not honour killings. These were not cultural, something specific to Afghans or Muslims no matter how we try to frame them as so.
These murders were part of the ongoing crisis of violence against women. It's a global crisis that is present in every country and in every culture. It is, quite simply, everywhere. What happened at that lock at the canal in Kingston is not any different than what Marc Lepine did when he entered Ecole Polytechnique on that snowy December day in 1989.
On any given day, in any part of the world, women and girls are being murdered for the sole crime of being women and girls. They are killed by fathers and mothers, by brothers and sisters, uncles, neighbours, and even strangers. They are killed because they are too head strong, too independent, because they don't give birth to boys. They are killed because they won't be controlled. They are killed to send a message to others.
It is Femicide.
Geography and religion aren't the drivers here. Gender inequality is.
Women and girls struggle to be educated, to be employed, to be paid the same as men for doing the same work. In large segments of the world, women are still considered to be inferior to men. And before those of us in Canada, the US or other first world countries smugly announce that we have no such problems here, think again.
Rwanda has more female members of Parliament than Canada does. If you look at the current crop of people running for President in the United States, there isn't a single female among them. Heads of Fortune 500 companies? Almost exclusively men.
When Hilary Clinton ran to be the Presidential nominee for the Democratic party she talked about making dents in the glass ceiling.
It wasn't enough.
It wasn't even close to being enough to stop the spread of violence against women.
Until we see women as equals - truly, unequivocally equal - then there will be more trials like the Shafia trial. The killing of women for being women will continue because we will spend our time trying to address symptoms of Femicide as opposed to the actual cause.
Or as Stephen Lewis says far more eloquently than I do:
The most important struggle in the world is the struggle for gender equality. You can't continue to marginalise half the world's population and expect to approximate social justice.
In the days since the conviction countless column inches have been filled with questions about honour killings and how some people are bringing their 'cultural practices' with them when they immigrate to Canada.
And that is where the conversation around the Shafia trial takes a wrong turn.
These murders were not honour killings. These were not cultural, something specific to Afghans or Muslims no matter how we try to frame them as so.
These murders were part of the ongoing crisis of violence against women. It's a global crisis that is present in every country and in every culture. It is, quite simply, everywhere. What happened at that lock at the canal in Kingston is not any different than what Marc Lepine did when he entered Ecole Polytechnique on that snowy December day in 1989.
On any given day, in any part of the world, women and girls are being murdered for the sole crime of being women and girls. They are killed by fathers and mothers, by brothers and sisters, uncles, neighbours, and even strangers. They are killed because they are too head strong, too independent, because they don't give birth to boys. They are killed because they won't be controlled. They are killed to send a message to others.
It is Femicide.
Geography and religion aren't the drivers here. Gender inequality is.
Women and girls struggle to be educated, to be employed, to be paid the same as men for doing the same work. In large segments of the world, women are still considered to be inferior to men. And before those of us in Canada, the US or other first world countries smugly announce that we have no such problems here, think again.
Rwanda has more female members of Parliament than Canada does. If you look at the current crop of people running for President in the United States, there isn't a single female among them. Heads of Fortune 500 companies? Almost exclusively men.
When Hilary Clinton ran to be the Presidential nominee for the Democratic party she talked about making dents in the glass ceiling.
It wasn't enough.
It wasn't even close to being enough to stop the spread of violence against women.
Until we see women as equals - truly, unequivocally equal - then there will be more trials like the Shafia trial. The killing of women for being women will continue because we will spend our time trying to address symptoms of Femicide as opposed to the actual cause.
Or as Stephen Lewis says far more eloquently than I do:
The most important struggle in the world is the struggle for gender equality. You can't continue to marginalise half the world's population and expect to approximate social justice.
28 January 2012
Random Musings
Happy Year of the Dragon....it's also, according to the Mayans, the end of the world as we know it. (But I feel fine)
A new year brings some changes and this one is no exception. Change number one? Look up. Look way up.
Okay, not so far up that you're staring at the ceiling. Look up as far as the URL bar. There's the first change. This blog is now found at www.kickatthedarkness.com. I was late in renewing my URL with Google and then when I tried to do it, I spent two hours trying to fill out a form to get them to help me only to be stymied by some magical PIN that I never had and was therefore rendered unable to submit my cry for help.
Seriously, Google. This whole corporate philosophy of 'do no evil' is kind of failing big time.
Anyhoo. So there's a new URL now. And you may be asking what's the deal with the new address. It is part of one of my favourite lyrics of all time. That Canadian treasure Bruce Cockburn wrote 'Lovers in a Dangerous Time' and it contained the lines 'you've got to kick at the darkness until it bleeds daylight'. It is a lyric that has always moved me.
Incidentally, Bruce Cockburn is also known for the song 'If I Had a Rocket Launcher'. If I had a rocket launcher I might consider aiming it at Google's customer service.
The other change around these parts? I'm writing this blog post on my new laptop. My laptop is a fruit. And it was partially a graduation gift from my brother. It's hella cool and I'm just getting acquainted with it.
And because things in threes make life interesting, the third change of the new year is a new job. Now technically I started just before Christmas but I didn't truly take over until the new year. I'm a lucky kid with this job - I have a fantastic team working for me and some great colleagues. It's not without some challenges - after all what job lacks challenge - but it's all good.
Which brings me to my next point.
Still following? Confused? The title of this post is Random Musings, it's a bit of a zig and a zag, just hang on.
Earlier last fall I was facing a decision and several of my friends had strong opinions on it. I was pretty hesitant with my choices and was leaning in a certain direction. A handful of friends told me that my direction was wrong and not only was it wrong but I absolutely had to go in the other direction.
So for those of you reading this who don't actually know me, telling me I must do something, I have to do something, that I have no choice is a guaranteed way to ensure I go in the exactly opposite direction. I am nothing if not stubborn and fundamentally opposed to the notion of absolutes. There are very few absolutes in life and this particular decision did not fall under that category.
It was JT - that bastion of wisdom and wit - who helped me through. She extracted a promise from me that before I publicly announced my decision that I would speak with her - just her and I - and she would listen to my concerns and I would hear her out.
She did just that.
She made a strong case. She offered reasonable rebuttals to my concerns and gently brought me to a place where I could make said decision without anxiety.
My other friends were absolutely right, the direction they were pushing me towards was the right one. But some times the approach matters as much as the actual choice.
JT is a good friend who makes me laugh like nobody's business. She might also be one of the smartest mammals I know. Further, she has a healthy ego and likes it to be known when she is right.
So make no mistake about it - on this issue JT WAS RIGHT.
xo
A new year brings some changes and this one is no exception. Change number one? Look up. Look way up.
Okay, not so far up that you're staring at the ceiling. Look up as far as the URL bar. There's the first change. This blog is now found at www.kickatthedarkness.com. I was late in renewing my URL with Google and then when I tried to do it, I spent two hours trying to fill out a form to get them to help me only to be stymied by some magical PIN that I never had and was therefore rendered unable to submit my cry for help.
Seriously, Google. This whole corporate philosophy of 'do no evil' is kind of failing big time.
Anyhoo. So there's a new URL now. And you may be asking what's the deal with the new address. It is part of one of my favourite lyrics of all time. That Canadian treasure Bruce Cockburn wrote 'Lovers in a Dangerous Time' and it contained the lines 'you've got to kick at the darkness until it bleeds daylight'. It is a lyric that has always moved me.
Incidentally, Bruce Cockburn is also known for the song 'If I Had a Rocket Launcher'. If I had a rocket launcher I might consider aiming it at Google's customer service.
The other change around these parts? I'm writing this blog post on my new laptop. My laptop is a fruit. And it was partially a graduation gift from my brother. It's hella cool and I'm just getting acquainted with it.
And because things in threes make life interesting, the third change of the new year is a new job. Now technically I started just before Christmas but I didn't truly take over until the new year. I'm a lucky kid with this job - I have a fantastic team working for me and some great colleagues. It's not without some challenges - after all what job lacks challenge - but it's all good.
Which brings me to my next point.
Still following? Confused? The title of this post is Random Musings, it's a bit of a zig and a zag, just hang on.
Earlier last fall I was facing a decision and several of my friends had strong opinions on it. I was pretty hesitant with my choices and was leaning in a certain direction. A handful of friends told me that my direction was wrong and not only was it wrong but I absolutely had to go in the other direction.
So for those of you reading this who don't actually know me, telling me I must do something, I have to do something, that I have no choice is a guaranteed way to ensure I go in the exactly opposite direction. I am nothing if not stubborn and fundamentally opposed to the notion of absolutes. There are very few absolutes in life and this particular decision did not fall under that category.
It was JT - that bastion of wisdom and wit - who helped me through. She extracted a promise from me that before I publicly announced my decision that I would speak with her - just her and I - and she would listen to my concerns and I would hear her out.
She did just that.
She made a strong case. She offered reasonable rebuttals to my concerns and gently brought me to a place where I could make said decision without anxiety.
My other friends were absolutely right, the direction they were pushing me towards was the right one. But some times the approach matters as much as the actual choice.
JT is a good friend who makes me laugh like nobody's business. She might also be one of the smartest mammals I know. Further, she has a healthy ego and likes it to be known when she is right.
So make no mistake about it - on this issue JT WAS RIGHT.
xo
31 December 2011
Adieu 2011
As this year comes to a close, I've been thinking a lot about journeys - mine and others. The theme of the journey is central to the way many think of their life writ large, i.e. - life is a journey, not a destination. It's a good theme because of how malleable it is in its application; in other words it can apply to the physical or tangible - getting from a to b, or it can apply to the spiritual and emotional.
2011 has been a year of many journeys and I consider myself so fortunate to have been allowed to share in so many people's journeys. Journeys are a sacred thing for the person embarking on it, whether willingly or unwillingly, because the journey always brings about a transformation of some kind.
I completed several journeys of my own this year. My Air Canada Super Elite status will tell you that planes were pretty central in my life. My new job guarantees they will continue to be so. I also completed my Masters Degree. It was a two year journey that had more than its share of challenges along the way. But as with so much of life, who you share it with defines the beauty and joy of it. I have made some wonderful friends through school, enjoyed some wonderful experiences (the j-bomb lives in infamy) and fell in love with a city.
I secured a new job - a promotion - and I'm excited to be starting that journey in the new year. But in order to start, I had to first bring to a close my previous job. My previous job was immensely rewarding and frustrating in equal parts. I had the opportunity to be on the inside of some truly fascinating situations, none of which I'll be discussing here, and I got to work with some truly extraordinary people. Don't let people tell you civil servants are just clocking pensionable time, my colleagues are dedicated, committed and hard working. They are also talented and compassionate and feel fortunate to have had the opportunity to work with them.
Many of my friends found themselves on journeys of their own. DB sent an email in October to a group of us letting us know she had breast cancer. Her email contained an admonition that there were to be no tears. I failed that request miserably as I read the email in my London hotel room. But her attitude is infectious - it always has been. One of the fascinating thing about this so far is that cancer is not changing her, it's DB being DB. She is blogging her experience and the posts have been some of the best reading I've enjoyed in the last year.
T&L became engaged this year and will be married in 2012. I've been asked to be the maid of honour (we are working on another title - like Rockstar in Chief or something) and I feel so blessed to share their joy with them. T and I have been friends for more than a decade and not only am I excited that he has found someone to spend his life with but I'm excited that it's L - because she's all kinds of awesome. How lucky am I that I can claim L as a friend of my own rather than my friend's girlfriend?
I only got to see Trixie once this year, which is oh so wrong, but something we will remedy in early 2012. But the absence of time together does not weaken the friendship in any way and once again, I am so fortunate to be able to share my journey with her and to be a part of hers. The universe works in its own ways to bring people together and for that I'm grateful.
Social media, in my experience, is a great enhancement to the journey we are on. In the last year, more than ever, I have enjoyed some terrific interactions and conversations with people that I have never met. I have shared moments - great and sad - with complete strangers but they have never once felt like strangers. There are a number of people I consider friends that I've never met in person but yet I talk to on a regular basis. Social media removes barriers, borders and in many ways can make the interactions more authentic. 140 characters is not a lot get your point across; how you choose to express yourself, what you choose to say in such a small space can reveal more about a person than hours of lengthy, long winded conversations can. There will always be people who lie, manipulate and use the inherent goodness of people to serve something ugly inside themselves but they are, thankfully, not the majority.
I would be remiss if I did not touch on the journey that Jack Layton took us on this year. I remember the morning when I found out he had died. Sitting in the office, scrolling through Twitter, I thought it was a bad joke at first. When I realized it was not, tears came unbidden. I didn't quite understand why I was crying - after all I only ever once voted for the NDP and while I admired Layton's tenacity, I didn't know him nor did I feel overwhelmingly connected to him while he was alive.
It was an email from Candice that gave me the clarity I was searching for. She said she couldn't stop crying because it felt as though a light had gone out exactly at a time when we most needed one. Politics is cynical business and it often operates in blurry, darkened area that intersects right with wrong and truth and lies. But Jack seemed to rise above that and that was not only admirable but necessary lest we all fall into the sticky grips of cynicism and apathy.
His letter, released after his death, was his final act of public service. It was also, in my view, instructions for the journey:
My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we'll change the world.
May 2012 bring love, hope, health and happiness to all of us. xoxo
2011 has been a year of many journeys and I consider myself so fortunate to have been allowed to share in so many people's journeys. Journeys are a sacred thing for the person embarking on it, whether willingly or unwillingly, because the journey always brings about a transformation of some kind.
I completed several journeys of my own this year. My Air Canada Super Elite status will tell you that planes were pretty central in my life. My new job guarantees they will continue to be so. I also completed my Masters Degree. It was a two year journey that had more than its share of challenges along the way. But as with so much of life, who you share it with defines the beauty and joy of it. I have made some wonderful friends through school, enjoyed some wonderful experiences (the j-bomb lives in infamy) and fell in love with a city.
I secured a new job - a promotion - and I'm excited to be starting that journey in the new year. But in order to start, I had to first bring to a close my previous job. My previous job was immensely rewarding and frustrating in equal parts. I had the opportunity to be on the inside of some truly fascinating situations, none of which I'll be discussing here, and I got to work with some truly extraordinary people. Don't let people tell you civil servants are just clocking pensionable time, my colleagues are dedicated, committed and hard working. They are also talented and compassionate and feel fortunate to have had the opportunity to work with them.
Many of my friends found themselves on journeys of their own. DB sent an email in October to a group of us letting us know she had breast cancer. Her email contained an admonition that there were to be no tears. I failed that request miserably as I read the email in my London hotel room. But her attitude is infectious - it always has been. One of the fascinating thing about this so far is that cancer is not changing her, it's DB being DB. She is blogging her experience and the posts have been some of the best reading I've enjoyed in the last year.
T&L became engaged this year and will be married in 2012. I've been asked to be the maid of honour (we are working on another title - like Rockstar in Chief or something) and I feel so blessed to share their joy with them. T and I have been friends for more than a decade and not only am I excited that he has found someone to spend his life with but I'm excited that it's L - because she's all kinds of awesome. How lucky am I that I can claim L as a friend of my own rather than my friend's girlfriend?
I only got to see Trixie once this year, which is oh so wrong, but something we will remedy in early 2012. But the absence of time together does not weaken the friendship in any way and once again, I am so fortunate to be able to share my journey with her and to be a part of hers. The universe works in its own ways to bring people together and for that I'm grateful.
Social media, in my experience, is a great enhancement to the journey we are on. In the last year, more than ever, I have enjoyed some terrific interactions and conversations with people that I have never met. I have shared moments - great and sad - with complete strangers but they have never once felt like strangers. There are a number of people I consider friends that I've never met in person but yet I talk to on a regular basis. Social media removes barriers, borders and in many ways can make the interactions more authentic. 140 characters is not a lot get your point across; how you choose to express yourself, what you choose to say in such a small space can reveal more about a person than hours of lengthy, long winded conversations can. There will always be people who lie, manipulate and use the inherent goodness of people to serve something ugly inside themselves but they are, thankfully, not the majority.
I would be remiss if I did not touch on the journey that Jack Layton took us on this year. I remember the morning when I found out he had died. Sitting in the office, scrolling through Twitter, I thought it was a bad joke at first. When I realized it was not, tears came unbidden. I didn't quite understand why I was crying - after all I only ever once voted for the NDP and while I admired Layton's tenacity, I didn't know him nor did I feel overwhelmingly connected to him while he was alive.
It was an email from Candice that gave me the clarity I was searching for. She said she couldn't stop crying because it felt as though a light had gone out exactly at a time when we most needed one. Politics is cynical business and it often operates in blurry, darkened area that intersects right with wrong and truth and lies. But Jack seemed to rise above that and that was not only admirable but necessary lest we all fall into the sticky grips of cynicism and apathy.
His letter, released after his death, was his final act of public service. It was also, in my view, instructions for the journey:
My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we'll change the world.
May 2012 bring love, hope, health and happiness to all of us. xoxo
24 December 2011
Musings of the Season
If you believe in the miracle of Christmas, then tonight is a night of great, wondrous anticipation. The celebration of the birth of Jesus is a celebration of lightness over darkness; it is a welcoming of love and all the possibilities it represents.
If your beliefs tend more to the Jolly Old Fellow with the red suit and sleigh full of toys, tonight is still a celebration of lightness over darkness.
Despite the crowds at the stores, the stress of trying to get the meals just perfect and find the right gift for everyone on your list, Christmas is still magical. It's the time of year when people allow their inherent kindness to shine through. I have noticed more strangers talking to each other in line ups, at coffee shops or in the white wine section at the LCBO. I saw Santa strolling through Terminal 3 at Heathrow a few weeks back and it wasn't just children waving at him, adults did too. They joked and teased and for a few minutes got caught up in it all. Christmas allows our humanity, our desire for connection to come through.
Regardless of what you believe, any time we choose the better angels of our nature over anything else is a wonderful, magical, glorious time.
Merry Christmas!
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